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STICKY POCKETS
Ideas and thoughts and meaningless rambles tend to find themselves snatched from midair by my hands, then downloaded onto sticky notes (usually on the steering column as I’m meandering along the blue roadways) and eventually either into my sticky note drawer or my pocket.
If I dig into my pocket right now, here’s what I come up with, all hastily and shakily written on yellow paper bits:
1. Spam inbox headline number one: YOU’RE PAYING $377.96 MORE THAN YOU SHOULD. An ineffectual message if ever there was one, since it does not induce me to open the email–why should I, when there is nothing more to learn? For instance, I agree: I’M PAYING $377.96 MORE THAN I SHOULD. Doesn’t matter where the money is going, I know that it’s wasted money and I also know that I wish I didn’t have to pay it.
2. Spam inbox headline number two: ELIMINATE ROLLS AND BRA WIRES. Another messsage complete in and of itself. It simply instructs me to ELIMINATE MY ROLLS AND BRA WIRES. That means I’ve got to reduce that cellulite floppy Pillsbury Doughboy belly of mine, and I certainly may or may not get around to doing that someday. I will look around to see whether there are any bra wires lying about, though I’m not sure what they look like. If I ever find and eliminate some you’ll be the first to know.
3. Spam inbox headline number three: GET SEXIEST LEGS EVER. Believe me, if I ever decide to get some sexy legs, I’ll obey the order. First I have to figure out whether they’re talking about replacing or upgrading my legs, or whether I’m supposed to find somebody with sexy legs and try to get them. Also, can they remain attached to a sexy body? What are the rules?
4. Spam inbox headline number four: STORE EVERYTHING IN A STEEL BUILDING. Do I have to? And does that mean everything, like everything in the Universe? Or does it mean just the stuff that’s lying around? And which steel building do they want me to use? Decisions, decisions.
and finally,
5. Spam inbox headline number five: FINALLY SMOKE ANYWHERE YOU WANT LEGALLY. You mean I can finally do that? You mean it’s finally legal to smoke anywhere? Where were you 30 years ago when I still smoked? And what good does this message do me now? I would not term this as successful target marketing.
I think I’ll leave my sticky notes home someday, just to see if I can act upon the world rather than have its billionfold messages act upon me
(c) 2011 A.D. by Jim Reed