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http://redclaydiary.com/
or read Jim’s story below:
Wandering and Wondering Through the Latter Years
Lying flat on my back in the wee hours of today, I suddenly pop awake, eyes widely scanning the plaster ceiling for signs of life. I take inventory. I am breathing. My heart is steady, my bones only aching here and there, my toes wiggling, my nose itching, my wife suspiring next to me, the AC belching gently, the asphalt streets outside momentarily silent.
It’s my birthday!
That explains why I shock myself awake so suddenly. I can’t believe I’ve lived another year!
Holy Moley.
Some people don’t get to live another year. Some live many years beyond their allotted time. Some squander the years they do have. Some utilize every minute in service to either making others miserable or bringing cheer and goodwill to all.
We don’t get to choose being born, but eventually, if we make it through the vulnerable formative times and go out on our own, we do have to shoulder the burden of making choices.
Will I live just for myself? Will I live for others?
Is it all worth it?
And, of course, the most important, most enigmatic, most unanswerable question of all is, Will I be the one exception? Will I get to skip death and go on trucking?
Actually, this question is not unanswerable. Deep inside, I know that I will not be the exception. But I can pretend each day to not know that. I can act as if everything’s okey- dokey.
So, what does a birthday mean? It’s just like every other form of magical thinking—it is an arbitrarily determined construct dependent upon how I define the length of a year, how I embrace a local belief system, whether I decide to endorse or reject it, whether I decide to lie about my age, how I go about carrying my years (with dignity or with whining), and how I plan to use these twenty-four hours.
The brief attention paid to me by loved ones on this day is undeserved but greatly appreciated, greatly humbling, and greatly fun.
But there is always that nagging idea that I would be a better person if I just spent the day giving others gifts and compliments and kindnesses. I have much to be grateful for—mainly, I can’t believe I’ve lived another year!
Holy Double Moley
© Jim Reed 2015 A.D.