Catch Jim Reed’s Red Clay Diary podcast: https://youtu.be/aX6NQL-ZBu0
or read the transcript below:
Life, actually…
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ALIVE AND WELL IN NO MA’AM’S LAND
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I got two things from my Deep South upbringing: I learned to show respect for others, and I learned that, even when I did not feel respect, my manners would never allow that disrespect to show.
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This duality of behavior turned out to be pretty danged important as I wove my way through life. It still makes life more livable.
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When interacting with humans, it turns out that treating them with respect is usually pretty helpful. I’m at my best when I keep my mouth shut—it’s way too easy to make a snarky remark or a judgmental retort.
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So, at my best, on a good day when the clouds are primping and the birds are chortling, I act gentlemanly.
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The first time I met attorney Brian Stevenson he had just said something that sounded Southern Manners-like, even though he is not from the South, “Each man is more than the worst thing he ever did.”
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I worked this around in my head and wondered why I could not stop pondering this statement—re-worked nowadays as “Each of us is more than the worst thing we ever did.”
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I walked up to him after his speech and asked, “That thing you said, is it original with you?” He said Yes. I asked whether I could quote him in the future and he smiled and said Yes again.
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So, for years I have applied Brian Stevenson’s statement to many aspects of my life. I use it to remind myself that people who behave badly, people with whom I disagree, must be more than that one thing that ticks me off.
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As I say, on a good day when dogs aren’t yapping and traffic drivers aren’t screaming and manipulators aren’t scheming, I can take one extra moment—maybe two extra moments—and examine the goodness that must be hiding within. The dog is happy when petted, the enraged driver is an otherwise kind parent, the schemer does volunteer work for the poor.
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Brian’s remark fits right in down here in the Deep South, where we are raised to say Yes Ma’am and No Ma’am, and Thank You, and Please, and After You, Sir.
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The funny thing about manners—if manners is what this story is all about—is that once you behave in a kindly fashion on a regular basis, you actually begin to Be more kindly. I don’t know why, but there is a kind of “Acting yourself into a new way of Being” thing going on here.
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There’s nothing magic about manners and diplomacy. They simply make for a more peaceful and cooperative environment.
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After all, when we get along better, Tums sales go down and celebratory toasts arise.
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Here’s to twenty-four hours filled with Thank You and Please and How Nice You Look Today
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Jim Reed © 2021 A.D.
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Weekly Podcast: REDCLAYDIARY