Hear Jim tell his story: https://youtu.be/EgK0LFk-xvk

.

Life, actually…

.

MELMAC THE MAGICIAN ARISES!

.

I am still a kid, just a kid, back here in the 1950s.

.

During bumper car travels into the past, I can still peek at things that once were, things that once happened.

.

This creates smiles and grimaces. Mainly smiles.

.

I am holding in my hand a magician’s magic wand, freshly retrieved from a Christmas-gift illustrated cardboard suitcase of tricks and illusions, the Mandrake the Magician Kit.

.

My first lesson as a magician is the sudden realization that merely waving this white-tipped black rod will not accomplish anything. In movies, the correct incantation and wand swoosh are all it takes to make something unscientific but wonderful happen.

.

Not so in real life.

.

First, I must spend hours reading the magic trick manual, then more hours practicing sleight-of-hand procedures, then–ghastly thought!–gathering bystanders to see whether I can fool them.

.

In the long run these efforts diminish and I go on to other hobbies.

.

But for this moment, I need to try a visual caper that will wow an audience.

.

Melmac! That’s the answer! Melmac!

.

Let me explain.

.

One of the funniest tricks I’ve ever seen is the one in which a skillful prestidigitator manages to remove a tablecloth from a fancily-set dinner table without upsetting anything. In one fell swoop, he snatches the cloth so fast that the dishes and cutlery and glassery are not aware of the change from cotton to polished wood.

.

That would be, like, crazy, man! (I obtain my enthusiastic lingo from show biz.)

.

For years, one of my after-dinner chores at home is to clear the table and neatly deliver everything to the kitchen sink, where sister Barbara will do the washing.

.

One night, when no-one is looking, I rehearse my act. I carefully stack every possible item up and down my outstretched arms and attempt to make just one trip from dining to washing. This requires a finely-tuned sense of balance, a lot of luck, and a lot of wobbling.

.

When everything crashes to the floor in one embarrassing tumble, I get a lot of attention from the family. My only defense is that fact that I only try this caper when everything is unbreakable.

.

I am saved by Melmac dishes, thick peanut-butter drinking glasses, detergent box premium stainless steel, and plastic containers.

.

Everything survives but my self-esteem. This is something I won’t try again till I’m alone in the house.

.

But I still dream of the tablecloth swoosh. Maybe one more attempt…

.

You know the rest of the story.

.

Once alone, I set the table and prepare to expertly and rapidly remove the cloth.

.

I wave the wand. I flail my hands about like any good magician.

.

I close my eyes, make a wish, and yank real hard

.

© Jim Reed 2023 A.D.

.