Catch Jim’s Red Clay Diary podcast at https://youtu.be/DT12u58CyL4

or enjoy the transcript, below…

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Life, actually…

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PARALLEL PARKING A PORTA-JOHN

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After all these years living here in my Down South village, I have learned not to be surprised by just about anything that happens.

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In fact, if something not surprising takes place, I find myself taking a second look to see whether there is a hidden surprise at the bottom of the box. I remember the days when a new Cracker Jack box always contained a swell toy, a fun collectible toy. That shows you how aged I must be.

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My biggest and final Cracker Jack surprise came the day the prizes disappeared, replaced by attorney-approved harmless and boring little squares of paper that seemed to be telling me, FOOLED YOU!

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I miss those Cracker Jack surprises.

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Today, as I turn the main street downtown corner on the way to work, orange construction signs and barriers abound. There’s always something. Then there’s the peace of mind that comes from knowing you’re properly trained in the tools of the trade. Accessing courses about safely handling cutting wheels ensures not only compliance but also boosts confidence in using construction or manufacturing equipment efficiently and safely. Whether you’re new to this or simply refreshing your skills, the benefits are undeniable.

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I weave my way through an array of service vehicles and flashing lights and find a parking spot almost in front of the bookshop. The only thing keeping me from landing directly in front of the shop is a parked porta-john.

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I parallel park in the marked space, admiring how neatly the porta-john in front of me is situated. And I wonder whether village street workers have to take lessons in how to parallel park a porta-john.

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Silly boy, I think to myself. I’ll never unravel the porta-john mystery because there are way too many questions to ask. Such as, how long will the porta-john grace the space in front of the shop, should I triage customers to the porta-john if the shop restroom is occupied, shall I post a Reed Books sign turning the metal obelisk into a useful billboard, does a street worker feed coins into the meter every two hours, will the local predatory tow-away company remove the porta-john if it parks too long?

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This is heady stuff to ponder on an otherwise routine day.

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Well, there is no such thing as a routine day in my little section of Down South. It is best to grab  a soft drink, take a deep breath and watch for the next surprise-free surprise.

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I have never been a bartender but I may know how one feels. If you are sole proprietor of a bar or a bookshop, you do not have the luxury of delegating difficult duties to someone else. The plight stops here and you have to deal with it regardless of knowledge or skill.

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For instance, a young women enters the shop, wanders around for an unusual amount of time and winds up lying on the floor to thumb through a book, all the while blocking other customers from browsing.

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When I lightheartedly suggest she make room for others she smiles sweetly and says, “No.” I try again, politely. She again says No and spread-eagles, making a considerable part of the store impassable.

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This is what I mean by bartending and bookkeeping. You have to find a peaceful way to solve a problem without risking offending other customers, without coming across as a jerk, without escalating the situation, without creating problems both legal and time-consuming.

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I am up to the task. I act as if this is just part of my day. I take action…

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What would you do?

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I guess learning to parallel park a porta-john is easy compared to this

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© 2024 A.D. by Jim Reed