Hear Jim’s Red Clay Diary 4-minute podcast: https://youtu.be/_JuTgDw1GDg

or read the manuscript below:

.

Life, actually…

.

GRANDMOTHERLY ADVICE TO A FORLORN MEMORY RETRIEVER 

.

“Be a good boy. Always do the right thing. Do not waiver from the true path.”

.

This is the kind of advice my grandmother gladly and generously dispensed whenever I would listen. It was good advice. Commonsense advice. Grand Vizier-level advice.

.

It was the kind of advice that any wise village elder possesses, even to this day.

.

The only problem is, my grandmother and her generation seldom got to lay out their truths and wisdoms to upcoming generations. Nobody got to converse one-on-one with elders. Life is distracting and noisy. Distractions and noise gain much more attention than quietly spoken tutorials about love and generosity and behavior and kindness.

.

My grandmother was venerated. We loved her. We simply did know that our inexperienced language and her seasoned language could get together and share things, things that might make life more understandable, more tolerable.

.

She was of her generation, we were of ours. We did not know the language of acceptance and diplomacy.

.

I wish I had known all this as a child. Maybe I could have skipped some of the more difficult episodes that deflected my growth as a mature adult.

.

I am now ready to listen, Granny. But you are not here to share time with me.

.

But wait—there’s more.

.

Truth be known, I can share wisdoms with my grandmother. All it takes is a deep breath or two, a few furlongs of memory retrieval, the willingness to pay close attention to every single memory and impression of Granny that I ever had.

.

Granny can talk with me because I know what she would say in so many words if she were here, today.

.

Having birthed eight kids, she would help me understand how to navigate childrearing. She would point out the potholes and show me how to heal or correct a boo-boo. “Here’s an example of how I did this,” she would say. I would listen and observe.

.

“Here’s how I dealt with a bully in my day. Listen and learn.”

.

Yes, children of the Down South soil, there have always been bullies about, and there have always been people who knew how to quell the behavior of bullies. I know how Granny’s generation did it. I just had not realized that she, being of that generation, knew the knowable—the things more people of solid upbringing learn from experience, learn from observing their own elders.

.

To spank or not to spank? Granny knew what grannies know, that setting solid and loving boundaries—and enforcing them—gets you through hard moments, no spanking necessary.

.

Got it?

.

You can list your own wisdoms and observations, things that your elders have outlined and demonstrated to you silently, no one-on-one deep chats needed.

.

Go back and examine your memories. Pay attention to lessons that were clearly on display, lessons you and I ignored at the time because we thought we knew better.

.

Now, at our present age, we at last know that we did not know what we needed to know. Our wild inexperienced ideas and notions were simply that. We guessed at things based on gut and fear and unfiltered reaction, but we did not yet have experience on our side.

.

We now know that we never did know everything we needed to know. We now know that in order to know that which is worth knowing, we actually need to admit we don’t know, we have to admit that it is time to tune in to those who loved us and are still waiting patiently to help us out

.

© Jim Reed 2025 A.D.