GETTING READY TO GET READY | redclaydiary.com

Hear Jim’s 3-minute podcast this week: https://youtu.be/GyjA4mGKtFE

or read his transcript below:

Life, actually…

GETTING READY TO GET READY

Some people primp, some people preen, some posture, some pose. But Down South where I reside, preparations for Being Seen take precedence over Being Seen.

We spend bookoos of time (beaucoups of time, to you English teachers), preparing to be seen in public.

I mean, bookoos of time!

Here is a partial list of the things we expend hours doing.

Hitching trouser, curling hair, smoothing skirt, sucking in gut, sniffling to clear nasal passages, tooth-gap sucking, shoe sole inspecting, rolling up sleeves, toothpicking, grabbing a smoke, scratching that itchy place, pulling up socks, straightening hemline, fanny-smoothing, lip glossing, nose blowing, throat-clearing, tsking, cheek-puffing, sighing, grunting…

See what I mean? All this twitchy activity has to happen before some of us can be seen in public. And that’s not counting everybody who is uncool enough to actually do these things while in public.

There’s more:

Whistling, humming, hair-adjusting, zipper-checking, foot tapping, squinting and making faces, lip biting, grimacing, jaw-clinching, eye-rubbing, tip-toeing, elbow-hugging, knuckle cracking, belt tightening, casing the joint…

Then, just to make an entrance, there is much fist-bumping and handshaking and compliment-fishing to do.

By the time you are ready to make the leap into Attention Land, you can be a bundle of sensitized nerve endings. So, the only way to fake a calm and confident countenance is to take a deep breath, recall the magical personality you wish others would notice, and begin the grand entrance.

You sure look nice today