Listen to Jim:
http://redclaydiary.com/mp3/rulesithinkmustexistbutdont.mp3
or read on…
I’ve spent way too much of my life obeying rules that don’t exist.
Where in the world does this trait come from?
For instance, I used to think that it was against the law to remove new fabric tags from mattresses and pillows. But then I realized that nobody could tell me what law it is that forbids these removals, so now they are removed at will.
Way back when, I decided to go to a Halloween party dressed as a priest (frocked as a priest?), so I went to the priest boutique—the store that sells such things as clerical garb. I hesitated at the front door, suddenly imagining that someone inside might ask for my credentials, just to make sure I was qualified and didn’t break the priest-only rules. Of course, the clerks didn’t even look me in the eye, and I walked out having purchased a collarless invisible-buttoned black shirt with the little white plastic doodad that turns you into a man of the cloth.
Once, when I realized that Whopper Juniors at Burger King looked more appetizing than their bloated ”adult” burgers, I started to order one, then hesitated, thinking, “Oh, no, they’ll ask me if I’m young enough to order a Whopper Junior. I’ll be busted for breaking the kidburger rules.” Naturally, I passed that hurdle. Burger King folks could not care less who orders what, so long as it is paid for.
When I was a kid, movie theaters sold admissions and didn’t keep score. You could sit and watch a film as many times as you pleased, since owners were used to being daycare centers for adults and kids—much as libraries have assumed that role these days. In middle age, I watched a movie in Homewood and decided to stay to see the opening scene again. An usher calmly reminded me that the rules were different now—nowadays you have to buy a ticket for each and every showing. Slightly embarrassing to say the least.
Why do I make up rules, and why do I not know the real rules?
Many business establishments have double-door entrances. Why double doors, since there is always one door locked? It’s a contest to see which door is the locked one. I’m correct 50% of the time. What are double doors for, anyhow? The only other two-door entrances that come to mind are those swinging saloon doors, both of which always work in the movies. Cowboy movies have door rules that are different from real life door rules.
Why?
And why is it that I’m the only person around who follows the rule about opening the door for people, as a courtesy? Folks used to thank me profusely, but these days they don’t even notice that I’m doing it—they are in texting land or cellphone world and apparently think that doors just follow the law of Moses, the one about magically parting the doorway so that you don’t have to break pace.
Speaking of westerns, wouldn’t it be fun to watch two gunmen doing a fast-draw shoot-out while tweeting or texting? Results would be inconclusive, I suppose. Those guys followed rules, too—don’t draw until the count of three. Who made that one up? Being a born chicken, I would shoot, then count to three.
Staying confused about the rules of day to day living is entertaining though annoying. It’s something to whine about, but you should be grateful that I’m not pestering you about really big, serious problems. Social media allow you to mouth off about things of no importance to anyone else, and get away with it. I suppose we should be thankful for big favors
© 2013 A.D. by Jim Reed