Catch Jim’s Red Clay Diary podcast: https://youtu.be/h1WApKQduHw
or read the 4-minute transcript below…
.
Life, actually…
.
GRUMBLINGS OF MUTINY, WEAPONS OF PEACE
.
“Arrgh,” mumbles Jimmy Three, the junkyard kid who is straining to be old and tough and unbeatable.
.
He is rehearsing for the day he will face bullies and ne’er-do-wells on the playground. Maybe yelling “Arrgh” will put those toughies and toadies in their place, should he encounter them any time soon.
.
Jimmy Three is not a prodigy. He knows words and phrases like arrgh and ne’er-do-wells and toughies and toadies and bullies, because he reads books for pleasure and ecstatic diversion.
.
He’s actually never heard anybody yell “Aargh!” in real life, but the stories he enjoys are filled with dangerous-sounding things like aargh.
.
So, basing his attitude toward self-defense upon illustrated pages he adores, Jimmy Three stands before the full-length living room mirror and, when nobody else is present, tries to transmogrify into an ageless strongman that fellow nine-year-olds would not dare confront.
.
He decides aargh needs to sound scarier, so he yells, “AARGH!” at his reverse-image self.
.
Maybe I shouldn’t smile when I do this, he decides.
.
Making a ferocious face and glaring piercingly at the mirror, he screams “AARGH!” with full-fanged teeth bared.
.
He almost scares himself, so he feels it is logical to assume this posturing will also scare potential enemies.
.
He practices strutting like a don’t-mess-with-me fairy tale hero. Then, becoming aware that he is wearing summer short pants and a scruffy tee-shirt, no shoes and a crew cut, he starts to giggle. Jimmy Three realizes that no matter how awesome he pretends to be, he is actually merely a scrawny kid with nothing but dreams and imaginings to get him through the day.
.
“I guess I better not try to be what I can’t be. I’ll just get one-upped and shoved aside as usual.”
.
This nine-year-old reality-check encourages him to use the defenses he already knows.
.
When a bully approaches from afar, Jimmy Three quickly makes himself invisible behind a tree or a trash can. What Big Bubba doesn’t see cannot become his victim.
.
Should Bullyboy bump into him, thus noting he is not invisible, Jimmy Three resorts to his Bugs Bunny defense. He cracks a smart-aleck remark so silly that it temporarily confuses the enemy. Jimmy Three uses that moment to poof! out of sight and live another day.
.
One smarty pants remark usually works. He glances at the invisible watch on his wrist and suddenly exclaims, “Oops! Gotta go. I left my baby on the bus!” Bullybrain is confused by this non sequitur and double-takes the empty space just held by his intended victim.
.
Jimmy Three adds another day to his artful dodger life.
.
To heck with “Aargh!” thinks Jimmy Three. I can just keep my mouth running and my feet moving and maybe, just maybe, find a way to weave and dance my way through life.
.
He returns to the pages of his real life, the one contained within books
.
© Jim Reed 2025 A.D.