Listen to Jim’s audio podcast: https://youtu.be/thCThWNlxyU

or read his words below:

SENTENCED TO LIFE

I’m shivering on the twilight streets of the big city, waiting in cool dampness for designated driver to appear.

The semi-darkness alters colors and textures just enough to make me re-examine my after-work surroundings.

To my left is the tall vertically-striped Watts tower glowing and glowering at the unstoppable passage of time.

Straight across the way is the large furniture store with forgotten neon OPEN sign defiantly staring back despite the fact that employees have locked up and headed home.

A large municipal bus pulls up, occluding the OPEN sign, awaiting permission of a traffic light. I gaze into the large windows where passengers move about under the eerie bluish hue of interior lights. It looks as if i’m gazing into an aquarium. The occupants tread air and brace for the journey.

Music of the asphalt accompanies all. Horns make horn sounds, tires screech, parkers try to park parallel in multiple back-and-forth wriggling patterns, cars with right-blinkers ablaze turn left anyhow, courier services idle their vehicles. Other drivers weave around them. Incredibly loud music vibrates the windows of one car, a sirened ambulance forces me to stop ears with fingers, pedestrians poop-pause their yappers, plastic bags at the ready.

Chattering teens stroll by on their way to an Alabama Theatre concert. A  crestfallen shopper pulls the overtime shopping penalty ticket off his windshield and mutters sadly. One panhandler puts a hand out, a power-tailored attorney hustles ’round the corner, hugging leather briefcase.

I suddenly realize that I have been sentenced to life.

Life on the streets, life among strangers and friends and passers-by.

A life sentence is what I am privileged to serve, here in the tiny wonderland that is my ‘hood, my livelihood, my worldly world of pavement and people and creatures of the twilight

© 2019 A.D. by Jim Reed

 jim@jimreedbooks.com

http://www.jimreedbooks.com

http://www.jimreedbooks.com/podcast

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Listen to Jim’s 3-minute audio podcast: https://youtu.be/xSDLsbfA3uE

or read his story… 

CAPTURING THAT HIGH HEEL ATTITUDE MOMENT

 At day’s end I find myself emptying pockets filled with detritus earlier stuffed into them in haste.

The predictables include loose change, wadded tissue, somebody’s business card, sticky notes, plastic toothpick, a polished stone, a lone dollar bill…

And the inevitable extended strip of CVS coupons.

How many miles of CVS paper have passed through hands and pockets on the way to trash receptacles this year?

Anyhow, I do spot one revelatory coupon that tickles memory and fancy:

GET $2.00 OFF YOUR NEXT EYE-SHADOW PURCHASE.

Can’t remember when I made my last purchase of eye shadow. Probably because it never happened.

But sweet remembrance kicks in and this snapshot of a phrase appears, SHE’S ALL LONG EYELASHES AND HIGH HEELS AND LEGS.

I wrote something about this beautiful and purposeful high heel person a long time ago, just after she breezed past me in hallways at City Hall.

Oh, here is part of the note. It’s called ATTITUDE HEELS.

She’s walking the walk

She’s jutting her chin

Her eyes are half-closed

She’s suppressing a grin.

Attitude heels

Attitude heels

Gotta get a pair of those attitude heels

Gotta stay cool

Gotta keep the beat

Strutting those spikes

And building up heat

Clicking and clacking

Staying on cue

She looks like she’s

Got lots to do

Attitude heels

Attitude heels

Must have must have attitude heels

You can’t be meek

You gotta be real

You must hang tough

And NEVER kneel!

You march right in

You strut straight through

You rule the wind

And the world follows you

Attitude heels

Attitude heels

Gotta get some of those attitude heels

Well, what more can I say about this apparition at City Hall? She speaks for herself. She remains a remarkable icon of efficiency and purpose and will and confidence. Wish I could find all that along with my other pocket stuffings.

Maybe I just did

© 2019 A.D. by Jim Reed

 jim@jimreedbooks.com

http://www.jimreedbooks.com

http://www.jimreedbooks.com/podcast

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Listen to Jim’s 3-minute vocal podcast: https://youtu.be/X7Cj-J6EScM

or read on…

PUTTING SILLY STUFF IN ITS PLACE

“Well, how is your week going?” someone asks me.

I pause before speaking. There are two ways to answer the question.

I try to decide which reply is worth the effort.

Want to hear the two alternatives?

I could say, “What a week! I totaled my car, traversed the intricacies of replacing it, the icemaker in my brand-new six-week-old refrigerator broke, our home furnace exploded and died and a replacement is in place and beginning to work, my bookstore rent will increase enormously in a few weeks, new tag and insurance and warranty activities suck up all our time…” I could say all that, feel appropriately sorry for myself and just come off as a self-centered whiner.

Or, I could say, “It’s a glorious week. Business is bustling, one old friend brought Asian food to the house for an evening chat fest, my best friend from Second Grade sent me a lovely handwritten note from far away, I am traveling East this afternoon to inspire and energize a meeting of booklovers, my lovely wife smiled and held my hand and began her fifth decade of keeping me balanced, and I am about to write yet another story about life love and confusion in my Deep South life.

Which of these confessions will do more to make the listener chuckle? Which will force me to appreciate and re-appreciate the wonderful life that awaits my order to resume full speed ahead?

And which true tale will make me drop the disparities and despair that seem so petty, compared to what other people are experiencing throughout the world right now?

Tumbling together in a merry melange of Life Happenings and Unexpecteds, stuff just seems to happen lately. I always hope the Law of Averages will catch up with me at a later date, but that date is just plain happening anyhow…without my permission, of course.

I think I’ll choose Door Number Two and add other pleasantries for the listener’s enjoyment.

Better still, at some point I’ll shut my mouth and listen raptly to what’s happening in the listener’s life

© 2019 A.D. by Jim Reed

 jim@jimreedbooks.com

http://www.jimreedbooks.com

http://www.jimreedbooks.com/podcast

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Listen to Jim’s 3-minute audio podcast:  https://youtu.be/EIZ1_pQYRqI

or read his comments below…

NOTE TO SELF: MAKE NOTE TO SELF

Note to self:

MACARINA MUTING is a possible title of a story about my propensity for obsessively muting every commercial message that intrudes upon my life.

Yep, among my many tics and habits and compulsions is the need to sound-filter all unwanted sales pitches. Out of ear, out of mind.

It’s its own form of entertainment, this quashing of audio. Once the MUTE button is pushed, I can pursue other endeavors until the original program content resumes. Or I can watch the muted performance and make up my own story lines.

I get my jollies by watching the commercials never intended for silence. You too can play this game. When the superbly pumped-up and unnaturally-friendly spokesperson begins her sales pitch, watch her silent hands. What in the world do those repetitive gestures and body movements mean? Does she learn them in Macarina Messaging School?

Watch a lawyer pound his silent sales presentation into the camera. Where did he get the idea that his dramatically splayed waving arms would induce me to buy any product or service he could possibly imagine? Did he attend Commercial Shadow Boxing classes? Bless his muted mouth.

Unsolicited sales calls are also muted by the minute. PLEASE DON’T HANG UP. THIS IS AN IMPOR…just instructs me that hanging up is my only defense. CLICK. Muted!

Another call, MAY I SPEAK TO THE OWNER…”No, you may not, but thanks for calling.” CLICK. I do try to be polite and dismissive simultaneously.

One more phone pick-up—someone is trying to sell me something that would never be appropriate for a bookshop. “Have you ever visited my shop to see what we sell here?” I ask. UH, NO. “Well, come and talk to me face to face, allow me to give you a brief tour of the store, then we can have a nice face-to-face chat.” OK, I’LL DO THAT. CLICK. Quoth the marketer, NEVERMORE.

Oh, and there is another wise-guy retort I employ now and then, according to mood. IS THIS THE OWNER, MISTER JEEM? “What are you selling?” I ask, hoping to get to the point quickly and resume my day. OH, I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING, MISTER JEEM. I know this to be untrue, since this is the dozenth call from this particular company. Nobody ever admits to wanting to sell something to me until the Pitch is completed—then, Surprise, Surprise! My smart remark, “Oh, that’s too bad that you are not selling anything. I just came into some money and was prepared to buy whatever you are offering. Thanks for calling!” CLICK.

Actually, I don’t enjoy making these quips, but something comes over me.

I’m much happier watching the silent-movie screen presentations of actors pretending to be just like me, hoping they can charm me into rolling out some moolah. Or lawyers reminding me that, like congressmen, bad hair or enhanced hair or preternatural comb overs  are common characteristics of this species. Pretty funny stuff.

The Macarina continues until the Time of Unmuting resumes.

I enjoy these cheap thrills. They are actually much more fun than the programs themselves

© 2019 A.D. by Jim Reed

 jim@jimreedbooks.com

http://www.jimreedbooks.com

http://www.jimreedbooks.com/podcast

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