MISTER FIDGET MAKES MY DAY

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Read the transcript below…

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Life, actually…

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MISTER FIDGET MAKES MY DAY

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Mister Fidget skulks around inside the bookstore, picking up and examining items at random. He is always in motion, asking about this object and that object but never waiting for a complete answer from me.

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He is busy looking for the next thing before ending his perusal of the previous thing.

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Fidget is entertaining and annoying and restless. But he is a customer, and each customer is treated with respect and kindness. Each customer has something to teach me. I try to pay attention while going about the business of keeping the shop afloat.

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As he rambles about, never quite leaving each item at its original site, he talks and chatters and speaks in one continuous sentence. I can’t keep up with him but he does come up with oblique observations.

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“These pants are too tight.” He tugs at his trousers fore and aft. “You can’t get a wallet in and out of them, dammit!”

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He does go on.

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“Maybe they make these pants tight so that nobody can pick your pocket.” This idea might have some validity.

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“Boy, this is not a very good block here.” He refers to the Downtown streets where I ply my trade.

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“I can’t find any good parking places.” I wonder how he got to the shop without finding a parking place.

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“Wow! this bookstore must not have many customers down here, huh?” He is adding to the popular myth that the city is barren, a wasteland left over from the flights of the 1960s. In truth, business has never been better, and the urban township is sort of booming.

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He scattershots through the rows of vinyl records on display. “Wow, these records, some of them are broken, did you know some of these records are broken?”

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He carefully waves a chipped disc into the morning air to prove his point, never considering the fact that I, the little old storekeeper, handled and placed every single record on display myself.

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“Oh, look, here’s a record, it’s part one but there’s no part two, do you have part two?” I do have part two but he’s already on to the next shopping critique.

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“You don’t have as many records as you used to.” He immediately spies the next enormous rack and says, “Oh, look, you’ve got a whole lot of records.”

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Mister Fidget runs about the aisles talking out of earshot, not aware that he is his only listener.

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I go about my chores and help other customers. Eventually, Mister Fidget exits the establishment, promising to actually purchase a book or record when he gets his next check.

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Some store owners express annoyance at such folk, but not I. He is just as important as the next browser. That’s because he takes something valuable with him—he will tell others about his adventure. Others will tell others. Eventually new shoppers will appear, having heard something nice about this wonderful old museum of fond memories.

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Every fidgeter who comes and goes carries a message to the village at large. That’s why I do my utmost to engage with everybody, be they sightseers, tire-kickers, comparison-shoppers, curiosity seekers, explorers, readers, non-readers, tag-alongs, collectors, decorators, bargain hunters, wheelers and dealers, touchy-feelies, nostalgia ramblers.

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How they feel about the way they were treated at Reed Books will lodge in fond memory.

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And maybe, just maybe, they will mention us to others who care deeply about kindness and sweet reminiscence

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© 2024 A.D. by Jim Reed

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Follow Jim’s weekly four-minute podcasts at https://jimreedbooks.com/podcast
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IT IS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT, AND ME WITHOUT MY UMBRELLA AND FLASHLIGHT AND ROADMAP

Listen to Jim here:

http://redclaydiary.com/mp3/itisadarkandstormynight.mp3

or read on…

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Life, actually…

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A loving memory of my Mom and my family…

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IT IS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT, AND ME WITHOUT MY UMBRELLA AND FLASHLIGHT AND ROADMAP

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Here’s the way it works whenever someone is driving my mother anywhere.

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Say we are cruising along, looking for 10th Avenue, Mother in the passenger seat, giving instructions to Dad.

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Just after we whiz past 10th Avenue without seeing it, Mother yells, “Turn there!”

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“Wait, was that the street?” my Father says, looking at the road dwindling in the rearview mirror.

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“Yes, I told you it was the road–why didn’t you turn?” Mother frets.

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“Because you didn’t tell us to turn till we passed it,” all us back-seat passenger kids exclaim in unison.

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Mother doesn’t get it. Why can’t the car obey orders and just materialize on 10th Avenue? After all, it’s just an instrument piloted by a human.

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My father, ever stoic and patient, ignores all this and looks for a convenient u-turn opportunity. We kids groan, because we know our mother’s habits oh so well.

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For one thing, mother has never driven a car, so she has no feel for how to navigate. It just never makes sense to her that the car can’t read her mind, perhaps like the family mule did when she was a kid in the 19-teens of the 20th Century. The mule knew the way, but our father does not.

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Another complicating factor in this scenario is the fact that mother always has trouble with the concept of Right and Left. If you tell her to look to her right, she has to stop and ponder—do you mean to her left facing you, or to her left from your point of view? You know how that works. If somebody has a particle of food on the right cheek, you get their attention and point knowingly to your right cheek. But, since the person is facing you, it is not clear whether you are acting as a mirror image—in which case it is apparent that you mean the left cheek—or whether you mean the right cheek, in which case a temporary dyslexia kicks in and the food-particle partner is momentarily confused, thus quickly moves to wipe both cheeks.

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So, once Dad u-turns and heads back to 10th Avenue, he asks mother, “Which way do we turn?” Instead of saying right or left, mother points to the left from her lap—only thing is, Dad can’t see this, since he’s trying to stay on the road and avoid death. Mother doesn’t understand why he can’t look over at her and search for her hand motion.

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Frustrated, Dad says, “Do we turn right or left?” Mother is confused and this time just points dramatically so that she can be seen.

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We eventually get where we’re going, but Mom pouts because she has the vague feeling we’re all teasing her.

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The sad ending to this story is that some of us kids inherit her inability to give or take travel instructions. Four of us to this day can’t find our way out of a dark and stormy night, and one kid—Ronny—beats the odds and learns how to find his way without having to depend upon us bumper-car meanderers.

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After decades of trying to learn directions, I come to accept my limitations and turn them into field trips. Now I don’t mind not knowing how to get there, I just drive around till something looks familiar, enjoying the surprises along the way and in the process having experiences both scary and funny.

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Want to go for a ride?

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It will be an adventure, I guarantee

© 2024 A.D. by Jim Reed

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https://youtu.be/WNfVZ-IVuJE

 

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow. No Humor Intended.

Listen to Jim’s podcast:

 http://redclaydiary.com/mp3/hairtodaygonetomorrow.mp3

or read his story below:

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW. 

I miss my hair.

I don’t miss barbers.

Yep, one day many, many moons ago, I had a full head of hair. Now, though, I still have lots of hair, it’s just that it’s everywhere but atop my head.

I have alarmingly fast-growing hair in my ears, my nose, on my face, on my back, on my chest, and, well, just about all over. And its rate of growth is not full-moon dependent.

Nature has a sense of humor—most of us start out bald and toothless, and we end up…dead.

Now, I know lots of guys who still go to the barbershop, or even the hair stylist, long after their heads are virtually bald. Guys with a little fallen halo of hair rimming half the head from ear to ear, still go and get it trimmed. I guess they’re holding on to every shred of dignity they can.

I don’t blame men who have enormous comb-overs. Others laugh at them, but I laugh at the laughers, who will begin losing hair long before they’re prepared to. I don’t even mind guys with ridiculously obvious toupees, since they, too, are living in the same fantasy world occupied by large-beehived women and three-strand-combover men.

So, does not having any hair mean you’ll never again go into a barbershop or hair salon? I asked one hair stylist in the Big City that question and gave her the challenge.

We brainstormed together.

If you are baldheaded, what can you get at a hair styling place?

1.  You can get your beard shaped and styled.

2.  If your baldness extends to the face, you can ask for a trim–of your nose hairs and eyebrows and ear hairs and that weird hair growing out of the top of your beauty mark.

3.  You can get a therapeutic massage and stop worrying about baldness for a few minutes.

4.  You can just have your bald pate buffed and shined or powdered or perfumed. Flaunt it! 

5.  Maybe the most fun you as a baldheaded man can have is to bring family—kids, grandkids, cousins and spouse or friend—to the hair place and sit there and thumb through the pages of beautifully coiffed models in the magazines, and just watch and enjoy the banter  and fun.

Full-head-of-hair guys, beware: an experience like this could make you want to shave your head and join the rest of us sexy devils.

Incidentally, I haven’t been to a barber since 1985, nor have I had a professional hair cut since then. But if I do start going to hair stylists/designers, I’ll let you know. Well, actually, you’ll know because I’ll smell funny for a few hours. What I really liked about hair salon places is that, unlike barbers in my day, they didn’t discuss politics and sports and hunting and fishing and a thousand other things I have no interest in. They did gossip, but gossip is more like entertainment—more interesting than watching all that internet detritus. 

By the time you leave the joint, you look better than you really are.

What more could anybody ask?

Just asking

© Jim Reed 2024 A.D.